I am pagan. Well duh. I don't hide it, but I don't think I sing it form the rafters either.  To me, religion is something for the individual to decide.  "It does not matter WHAT you believe in, just that you believe."  To each their own.  Religion is also very private matter to me.  Growing up I got odd looks and taunts if I explained what I was doing. So I stopped, and celebrated in my own way, when I was alone. I suppose this is how I became to like being a Solitary. After I turned 18, I found a local coffee-shop group that got together for the occasional Sabbat,  went to a few myself, decided that I'd just stick to coffee meetings.  Moved a few years ago, did the same thing.  Last year on my 21st birthday they initiated me.  No, it never did feel quit right.  Did some thinking - decided that being a Solitary, I do not need a group of people, who do not worship/believe as I do, to acknowledge me as good enough.  If I am happy with how I am, do I need to prove myself worthy to anyone else?

Remember High School? All the silly little cliques, and fads? What was the latest "fashion"? Where you ever annoyed by some of the stupid things people did? Or all of the people that did/do something just to look good?

The "new thing" for the pagan group I'm in is to study the earth/nature around you.  It is, admittedly a good idea.  It is, something you should have done before or as soon as you moved here - if you have lived here most of your life, you have no excuse.  They are taking one thing a week, and studying it - writings, pics, so on.  52 plants and animals (possibly rocks too) are the goal. What I have a problem with, is that everybody is joining in.  "OMG! I want to do this plant! OMG I want to do this one!" How long will anyone actually remember to do this? I give it a month, two tops. Yes, this group is to promote networking and getting more people involved and social - but you know - a little less preppy/valley girl would sit better with me.  Then again, maybe I just need a brake from the group.  I haven't had a Sabbat to myself this year - I've either been with family, or celebrating with the group. Time to get back to myself again.  Tis the season. {smiles}

So there is controversy about larger women.  Are they the real women? Just plain ugly and need to loose weight? Blah blah blah. A beautiful woman is a beautiful woman.  Whether she is size 10 or 20. So there dammit! Although I do like women that have curves, not everybody is the same.  {le sigh}  Something that I want to know - where are the men that like curvy women? Not the ones that just want a one night stand,  but an actual relationship? Think Alan Jackson's red on a rose, or Her eyes, Pat Monahan. This is a subject I have ranted on before, and I know I will rant on again.  I want a man that like me just the way I am, doesn't care if I lose weight or whatever. As long as I'm happy he is too. Of course there are other requirements to, see I CAN learn from past mistakes!

For example -
- he can't have a girlfriend or be married
- must have a job and vehicle
- live on his own
- secure about himself
- so on and so forth

I want to go out to the movies and dress up and be appreciated for it.  I want to be admired and to admire right back.  Sit on my couch and watch movies and cuddle.  And I am finding a distinct lack of male appreciation in my life.  I, personally do not think that there is any man here that fits the above.

Last night had a wonderful talk with the owner of this hotel, Larry. Longest conversation we've ever had.  I had asked him to stay after I helped a customer to clear up rumors and ask my questions - like, why is this happening, or this? Nice guy.  In good news, Andrew - the other night auditer was accepted into the military, so now I may(should dammit should) get more shifts! {squee}

This weekend is Shire of Silver Keep's Castle Siege.  I'm running soup kitchen Friday night - Potato soup, Veggie and beef soup, herby bread, and  bisquits. Might add cheesy garlic bisquits if I'm feeling up to it.  I have been drafted by Prior Helmut to teach a class on Saturday.  "Singing a period song", he calls it.  I don't know about period, but I have songs that are frequantly sung in the SCA. {grins} It's going to be more of a "SCA Singing - 101". Maybe I'll teach 'em the March of Cambreadth, and we'll go over the list field and sing it. {giggles}  Yes, I am nervous. I've sung in SCAdian public once, and most people couldn't hear me . . . . . . so this should be interesting. I have handouts for a couple songs, the rest I'm just pulling - I never have been good at prepared talking. Must keep repeating to myself - deep breath, deep breath . . . . . Come and cheer me on? Pretty please?  Friday night I'll be in a long black t-tunic, green plaid skirt underneath, belted, and Saturday a white Irish-dress (sans boning) that is embriodered with tan/silver flowers, and a light blue chemise, both days toting my basket and bag of holding - and the umbrella.  ;P 

While it is Wednesday at work, I guess it is Thursday for everyone else . . . . . {sigh}  I have less then a week to start/finish



1 chemise

2 shirts

1 corset

1 maybe 2 skirts



I'm tickled. Honest.  At least 3 of those days are time off.  Oh, and pack . . . . . blargh.  On the bright side - I'm getting a metal coffee pot! And if my Nana doesn't bring it over on time - I don't mind so much - I can always buy a medium cast iron pot and use thta instead. {grins} I WILL HAVE ME COFFEE OR ELSE!!!!!!!!!  So there.  But that is all I really have to do for camping.

All on all, life isn't too bad.  I have a job, a roof over my head, food in my belly, and books to read.  Even though everything seems ok, there is always something to bitch about.  And beyond the fact that my sleeping habits are pissin' me off - I can't think of any right now. huh.

in my little den of iniquity. Of course the business is do to it moving.  Oh, I'm still in Bozo, just in a apt, not trailer.  Slow week with a sudden flurry of movement the last few days.  I had almost everything packed, it shouldn't have been an issue to pack the U-haul, but the 3 people I asked to help me were just standing aournd like bumps on a log, looking at me for direction! Pick up box, put it in truck, repeat.  They would get one box in there, stop and chat,  . . . . . . . .it took all I had not to yell at them and just spout off foul language at random.  NTM, they showed up at 5, an hour late - I had to get the truck back by 7 or suffer more fees.  I called up Elias and asked him to meet us at my new place, and he was there - on time! The only person to do so that day! {squee} By the time we finished unloading I think I had gone through most of the commonly used obsenities, and had devolved into crudeness to.  Took the U-hual back, John had to restrain me from hurting the nice guy doing his job, took me back to my old place to pick up little stuff - flour, coat, and such, me still spouting fuck this, fuck that.  I was called into the livingroom and told, if I wanted to rip into someone, rip into her (Linda).  I asked her seriously? Yes, Meg, yell as loud and hard as you can at me.  Ok . . . . . . . . . . . so I did. In the middle of it all Dad calls to brag that he just made and ate lobster tail.  I was verra sweet when I told him that II love you, but I have to go. ANd then back to yelling . . well . . . screaming.  Apologised to Linda and Val for being in such a foul temper, and went home.  On the way John looks at me and says, you know, you get a brogue when you scream like that.  O rly? Yep, when you are passionate in general, it's really cute.  So all I could think was that I was cute even when I'm harpy mad. Huh. Spiff.  Dad called me later that night, just making sure I wasn't in jail (not that I've ever been in one) and that I or anyone else wasn't in the hospital.  oh, and that I wasn't angry with him and that I still loved of course.  I told him that yes,  evrything is fine, yes he is still loved, if for no other reason than that the bottle of wine I had just broken into and was about to drink with my really hot bath was a bottle he had made and gave to me.  Straight form the bottle? The whole thing with you? Yes Dad, it's been that kind of day.  Ah, that's my girl . . . . . . yep I love my family. 

Spent the day in a very lazy manor - didn't get out of pjs to make pumkin bread.  Watched Dexter with Val before getting a ride to work.  Good show - I like it alot!  Get to work, and find out that my boss, Kate was in a car accident last night, broke her back.  She's going to be fine, appearantly she was hopping around here in a body cast earlier.  A newbie - that I haven't even met is acting manager here, and Larry (owner) is popping in and out the next week or so. Joy. 

On a lighter note, I have found that I have a flair for calming cutomers down.  About once a week I'll have someone complaint to me about something, be yelling, or close to it, and a few minutes after I start talking to them, they calm down and go on their merry way.  Tonight it was some bloke saying he had bed-bug bites from the last hotel he stayed in, and demanded I do something about it.{ I almost had to ask him to stop yelling because people are sleeping (midnight)}.  I can't. I simply don't have the authority to do so.  The one he stayed at would, but I don't.  Same chain as the one I work for, but there isn't one freaking thing I can do.  {sigh} Wants to call his laywer when he gets home on us.  By the time I copied off his recipt from his last hotel, he was meeek as a lamb and yes ma'am-ing me. {grins} It was awesome. Behold the power of polite, quiet, firm words has on a person. 

Do I belive in fate? Well . . . . . yes. . . . to a point.  Some people belive that EVERYTHING a person does on their lifetime is fated.  I disagree, kinda.  I belive that we make our own fate.  It isn't exactly pre-destined or laid out by the Gods or anything.  It comes down to our genes and how we are raised - how our mind developes between the two.  So, techincally, I guess I don't belive in it . . . . . but it is fun to think about.

It started out with me walking home from work, only work was in or next to Walmart.  I was walking past a pond that is right by Walmart (in dreamworld), when a homeless guy starts walking up to the road from the pond.  I think nothing of, its not anyone bothers me on my walks anywhere.  Only just as I think he is going to pass me by, he hits my head with something.  I got flashes of him above me, {blackout} pulling down my pants{blackout}, me reaching to get my phone - calling 911 and hearing my Uncle Bob's voice (got the feeling Holly was there too) somewhere above me," well, If she really wanted us to help, she would call us." Now keep in mind Uncle Bob is the black sheep of the family.  I see him maybe once every 10 years - ish.  And then I could hear the lady on the phone ask my exact location, and I was telling her, if you just go over this bridge here, you wil find me. Well what bridge? She asks . . . .and I haze in and out of it until I see red and blue lights.  I came out of it at the hospital enough to tell them that I think I needed a rape kit done, and to wonder where my nurse boyfriend was,(he looked amlost just like the nice guy from waiting, the one with dark bron hair, tanned ski, also in Accepted) and the I was gone again.  When I finally completely woke up in this dream, my boyfriend was sitting next to me, holdng my hand.  He told me I had been a coa like state for almost 3 weeks.  He summoned a Doc and I went out to find the man.  The Doc and talked alone for a bit.  He told me that I hadn't contacted any diseases and that everything that had happened to me physically had healed.  Appearantly there was some tearing, knife wounds and bruises.  I then went in search of food.  On my way back to my room, i realises that it all looked like a movie dormatory.  I ran into some security guy/bouncer who wouldn't let up the stairs without a pass, I told him that I just woke up here, so I didn't know what a pass was. He let it slide, this time. I rolled my eyes and went to my room.  tooka while to find the right one, but when I did, there was trash in the corners and rats running in and out of the walls and ceilling, scampering along the floorboards.  Really icks.  My boyfriend rescued me and took me down to his car to take me home.  That is where I ran into Becca's ex-boytoy Micheal, from Luisiana.  He had gotten really big and I only recgocnised his face and hair.  We talked for a minute until my boyfriend hussled me into the car  . . . . . . and that is when I woke up. 

Val said that this means I'm afriad to be helpless and that I think my family will desert me when I need their help . . . . . but I really don't think that this all, or very acurate/complete.  What so you guys think?

It's been almost a month since I've posted - thought it about time to update the locals. ;)  When to Artemisian Spring Crown.  Lots of fun, met new people, got new garb ideas, took many pictures, made even more lucet, hit an elk.  Yep, hit an elk.  About an hour/ half and hour-ish before we hit West Yellowstone, Elias couldn't drive any more.  Since Sine was half asleep also, I took over.  Most of the time I went well under the speed limit, unless it was a long and straight stretch, then I went the speedlimit.  At 1:40 am we were 20 minutes from Big Sky, and that was when I saw something up ahead.  I started to slow down from 50 mph, saw the elk and ended up hitting it at roughly 40 mph.  Thankfully no one was hurt, and the elk died with in seconds.  Elias limped us along another half mile to a fork in the road. Sine called AAA, and they called the police and a tow truck.  we never did see the Highway Patrol, and the tow truck didn't get there until 5:30 am, Sine got off the phone with AAA bout 2:30 am.  Yep, kinda sucky.  I finally get to my bed at 8:25 am, called my Mom.  Her words were something like -My daughter couldn't hit a fricking deer, she had to go out and hit an elk.  In my  defense, elk are not all that common around populated areas.  They are usually really high up in the mountians, not around the highway. 

BTW - I'm moving.  I'm going to be Angelica's roommate.  It is getting to be too complicated living with Val and Linda. Admittedly, i think it is because I have a night-shift job, but still, as much as I like Val, there are little habits of hers I'm tired of dealing with - and lately these habits  have been pissing me off for no particular reason.  Why, I don't realy know, I've been ok with Val for almost a year, so why now, IDK.  {shrugs} Besides, Angelica's current oomie is moving out by May 3rd, and she joking told me that she is going to get me and my shtuff over to her place by May 10th. I figured end of May, but you know, that works too.

This Friday Jane and I are getting together to work on my garb - I am in desperate need of more than 2 outfits - my innner girly girl/princess is demanding it.  So this weekend I bought 6 yards of this medium pink lightwieght material.  It has the same color of flowers embroidered into it.  I'm going to be making a chemise and a gathered skirt out of it.  Also, the same goes from the stuff my Nana bought for me at Birthday Bash.  Oh, and I'm going to make a cloak. I'm thinking my first clak will be patchwork, mostly black, but with a few plaid scraps sewn in.  No, I'm not going to do all of this in one day.  Hopefully I'll get a chemise and a good start on a skirt though. That would be Teh Awesomeness. It will be really cool to get my currently pink dress re-died a deep red wine and get the loops on the front re-placed so I can actually lace it up properly. Wear that with the pink chimise I plan on making - or maybe the tanish one that was given to me with it . . . . and wear it to Kingdom A & S on May 2nd.  Now to actually get started. :P

In August, planning for the week of August 20th, when Whipping Winds starts, of going up tp Mom's the Sunday/Monday before hand, and getting her help making garb, and helping her can.  We think Dad is going to be somewhere for schooling. Then on that Thursday, the 20th, kidnapping my little brother and heading up to WW for a few days, give me Mam a good rest with the house to herself.  {happy dance for new garb}  {sqee}

And there ends me update.

Althought, if someone knows a sweet guy that wants to cuddle and watch movies - send him my way? Please? ;)

I'm in a hand basket at work. Yessir, and I tell you, its really pissing me off.  Our Manager is doing what she can, but now it is down to her, me, Andrew, and Anthony.  Oh yes, I'm tickled.  A very overworked woman, a stressed one, a geeky lazy pervert, and a lazy kid. Yep . . . . . . I want my Amanda back!!!!!!! When Kate gets back today, she's going to re-work the schedual, I'm thrilled.  As it stands, without it being redone, I'm going 7 days without a day off.  Yep, tickled.  When I got on last night, there was waffle batter leaking from the little black fridge.  There is still batter leaking from the little black fridge - I'm leaving some of it to show to Boss Lady.  The gravy left over from yesterday was put into a lidless container and left in the little fridge, no plastic wrap on top.  ow, what kind of idiot does that? I had to throw away about a half an inch of dried shit form the top because some FUCKING IDIOT didn't put plastic wrap on it!!!!! Also, I mopped this morning. I swear I did, but you know? I sure doesn't look like I did.  Why? the mopping pad hadn't been changed in days.  Yep, verra  dirty.  Before I could go and re-mop, the plungerthingy on the mop stopped working and the breakfast area was mobbed.  I'm hiding behind the front desk writing.  oO, and the guys have been just using the top of the note books.  Those little Super 8 things? They will use the first page, and then just get a new one when they need another piece of paper . . . not FUCKING SMART ENOUGH TO JUST TEAR THE FUCKING PIECE OF PAPER OFF!!!!!!!!!  Bloody fucking males.  And people wonder why I'm single.  I'm allergic to stupid and bullshit.  {glares} oh, and everybody seems to like stacking the garbage up in front of the fridge downstairs.  I can't get the bloody door open if I'm fighting with the frickin' garbage now can I? Morons . . . . . . . . .So yesterday I was wearing my green sweater, you know the one that only zips down part-way, welI had it zipped up to just below my necklace pendant.  Andrew comes into work, clocks in, sits down in the rolly-chair, and stares at me boobs.  WTF!!!!! I'm not even wearing anything that is attention grabbing in that area!!!!! Made me feel slimy.  Fucking creep.  Anthony is a mother fucking saint compared to Andrew.  I want to power to kick him out on his ass!!!!!! Slimy asshole.  One day, last week, I came in madder than a hatter, rearing to fight, not wanting to talk so I can cool down.  he talked, and talked and talked.  I flat out told him to shut up.  Guess what? He talked some more.  the next day I glare at him when I get on shift. He looks at me and asks, still pissy today? O_O Hmmmm . . . . . let me think about it . . . . . . . sexist bastard.  YES!! Can't believe he has a ex-wife and kids.  No, wait, yes I can.  The answer has to be either drugs and alcohol, or she was very very naive and stupid.  Yep, that has to be it.  Or maybe desperate and didn't take all precautions, cause the is no way in this realm of existence would I seriously think about laying down with that.  EEEWWW! to say the least.  Rather sad really.  He calls his brothers losers and all manner of other names, but has he looked into the mirror lately? So, yes I want Amanda back!!!!!!! LOTS!!!! This place be suffering!

I am about to go completely insane.  I keep breaking my cord I'm using to lucet, one page away from finishing my only book, nothing to look at on the sites I frequent.  I one person just come in, wanting a room, but not willing to pay about $60 for it.  Cheap SoB.  You can get a room for 35 here in town, but I wouldn't recomend it.  And get this, he was dressed like a "gangsta".  He looked like he was 40 something.  {gives drol look} please.  He looked ridiculious.  A 40 something gangster.  {rolls eyes} Doesn't help that I woke up horny, I stayed horny, but now that I'm on shift I'm just snarly.  mmmph.  can't wait to sleep in my own bed, eat real food, actually cuddle(wishful thinking), and get paid.  gr

I have concluded, that men don't like larger women.  I got a call from a man tonight, talked for about a half an hour,  asking questions (him) and talking alot (me).  Felt funny because I don't talk about myself in great amounts like that, for example - how would you describe your self, he asked me.  I don't know, you know the basics about me how else would I go on? I'm 5'5" red hair, pale skin, freckles, curvy, feisty, love to read, live for music, like to hike.  Well, would you think that you are skinny, he asks.  Nope, I'm about a size 18 . . . . .. .all of a sudden I get static. He hung up on me, and as I'm writing this, he has called back a couple times and has hung up on me while I said the standerd greeting, and then he said can I make a reservation once,(after he already had) and I asked if this was (insert the name he gave me for he forst one) and he hung up.  So, prank calls . . the WHOLE thing? or what? Kinda at a loss . . . . . .

I like, lot.  My favs are highlighted. It;s good to be reminded every now and again.


1. Express yourself. It makes us proud, even if someone thinks you're wrong.

2. You look hot in running shoes and shorts. And that top thingy with the stripes.

3. Bare, tan shoulders are underrated.

4. If you think I’m speeding now, you should see me drive when you're not in the car. (whee)

5. If you're truly interested in us, don't play hard to get. (not too hard, honest)

6. Shopping is a chore, not an activity.

7. When I screw up, go ahead and tell me—once.

8. No question need ever be asked through a closed bathroom door if I'm inside. I love you less with each syllable you utter. (agreed)

9. I'm hot for you, not your sister or your friend or your coworker.

10. My guy friends. Not only are they not negotiable, they’re your best sign that I’m not a whack job.

11. Don't be afraid to ditch the makeup. Natural is sexier.

12. Leave the eyebrows alone. Plucked ain't pretty.

13. You can have sex with us any time you want. Seriously.

14. When the game is on, we will pay attention to you if you're nice about it. Bark, and we shut down.

15. I don't ask for directions because I’m just happy to be driving. Anywhere.

16. Masturbation is merely practice for the big game. Encourage it.

17. We crave hugs and hand-holding too. And no, it doesn't always have to lead to sex.

18. But you can have sex with us any time you want. Did we mention that?

19. There's no better sound in the world than you, having an orgasm.

20. Though the exhaust note of a Porsche Boxster is pretty damn fine, too.

21. I just may lie to make you feel good. Don’t be angry about this. You really weren't looking for the truth anyway.

22. When you get angry over some stupid little pointless thing, I question your intelligence.

23. You’re really bad at faking it.

24. If I offer my help while you're getting ready, it means you’re late. (good t know ;p)

25. Never ask me to pick out your outfit. (See above.) I will invariably get it wrong and make us even more late.

26. Giving me two or three choices, however, can be fun. Assuming you will change outfits in front of me. Slowly.

27. Err on the side of hot; I love to show you off.

28. Unless we're meeting my parents.

29. When you call us at work "just to chat," we're not really listening; we're checking our e-mail.

30. Spring means baseball and skirts. Doesn't need to be a mini-skirt; it's been a long winter. (hehehehehe)

31. Chicks who drink beer are hot. Better yet: chicks who drink beer and watch the game. Better still: chicks who buy us a beer during the game.

32. We don't mind being told we look good. Just don't call it a "cute outfit."

33. We love ponytails.

34. Being good in bed means a) enthusiasm; b) a sense of humor; and sometimes c) patience.

35. The first time? We're as nervous as you are.

36. A random unexpected grope is always welcome, even in public. Especially in public.

37. Make us laugh and we'll want to hang around.

38. Yes, I laugh really loud around the guys. And I always will, so deal.

39. Sure, men stereotypically like to solve a woman's problems. But a woman who solves her own while we watch? Instant erection.

40. You can pick the movie, but have a reason.

41. Do not expect to have a conversation via text message unless you use the words "naked" and "waiting."

42. Sometimes we wonder why any woman would want to be with us, much less someone as amazing as you. So, thanks.

43. Anytime you cook for us, we're happy.

44. If you can hit a golf ball 150 yards, we just might fall in love.

45. No, I don't remember what he said next. Or she. Or anybody, for that matter. I'm a guy, not a tape recorder.

46. We love you even more because you know we need to go out with the guys once in a while.

47. And we love it when you hang with us guys, too.

48. We have a keen sense of imminent danger. It sounds like, "Do you think she's pretty?"

49. Don't rely on us for keeping you up on the news.

50. Never say, "I know you better than you know yourself." Nobody does

taken from the Men's Health website.

Wow, Monday already.  It's almost been almost week since I sent that email to Josh, dubbed the semi-stalker guy by friends.  He called my work tonight, doing security checks, seeing how many rooms we had left to sell, normal things.  Then the whole, can we give it another shot?  My flat, no. friends? Again, no, do you really think I'd want to hang out with you  when you sent me that nasty email?  Well, you sent me one calling me a fucking faggot . . . . . - I was shocked.  I never say faggot, never ever.  And why? Why would I send hima nasty email like that? My friends know me, it's just not me.  I told him, no, I didn't send him one like that, and he replied, well . . it came from your email address.  Whatever.  Are you sure we can't be friends? Absolutely.  He tld me to call him if I neeed anything . . . . and I hung up.  I really don't want to talk with that man any more than necessary. 

To keep everyone updated - Josh has called me every day since we met, except for Monday. His dad wants to meet me, blah blah blah.  Yesterday he called me at home and then at work, just to talk. We all know how much I hate phones, yes, that includes talking on them too.  Suffice to say Josh is odd in all kinds of very bad ways.  This is way - (taken from myspace messaging)

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: COCK LOVER
Date: Feb 3, 2009 12:21 PM


whats up i was just writing to say hey and see what you were doing and say hey you rember when i called mondy night and checked on you well i was supposed to get off AT 7:00am and go home and take my dad to physical theropy but that did not happen like i wanted it too i ended up staying there until 4:30 in the afternoon and got home at 6:00 that evening


well i dont want to bother you so i will talk to you later

joshua


p.s write back soon


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Amanda - Meg
Date: Feb 3, 2009 11:40 PM


Bother me? The only day you haven't bothered me was yesterday. Stop calling me.  Altogether, stop calling me.  I don't want to see you, I don't want to be friends.  You don't seem to take a hint very well.  Go away and leave me alone.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: joshuafl
Date: Feb 4, 2009 12:40 AM


that is fine fuck you bitch you are a nast scanky hore that wants to talk about only sex with someone you met out side of your own work and the whole time we were on the phone you kept starting the sex thing well i wouldn't fuck you with a ten foot pole you stupid nasty whore you probably have shit that ajakz wouldnt rub of even with a scrubber pad so fuck you you stupid nasty bitch you wasnt worth my time of day so fuck you no i take that back noone would fuck you you fucking bitch kiss my fat hairy ass and you couldnt handel me any ways

~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh my, what bad grammer.  As my Mom tells me frequently - Well dear, you sure do know how to pick 'em.  {grins} I haven't seen anyone get this childish since high school.  And he wanted to know why I didn't want to go over to his house to hang out when we had only known eachother for a few hours . . .hhhmmmm . . . . .gee, I wonder.